Harriet's Story
One survivor describes her reactions after the crash:
My name is Harriet and I am 19 years old. I live near Croydon, South London and I am a gap year student about to go to university in October. On 6th November 2004 I caught the train at Paddington to go and see my boyfriend who studies at Exeter University. I was in the coach that was labelled as C but was actually a second B coach.
When the train crashed, I was by myself. People were so kind lending me their phones, asking if I was OK and chatting, but because I haven't had any contact with anyone since - I didn't exchange details or anything - I haven't met up with anyone or continued talking.
I wasn't one of those who went to hospital. I only had cuts and bruises. I watched the coverage on the news in the few weeks that followed and have kept newspaper clippings but apart from that, and the few exchanges I've had with police, First Great Western etc that I'm sure other people did, its as if time's stood still since that day.
Eventually in March this year I decided, with the encouragement of my family, that it was time to seek help as I couldn't come to terms with what had happened on my own. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Every time I had to drive anywhere or do anything I was terrified. In my house I was obsessed that planes were going to crash on me, the slightest noise that wasnt 'normal' would set me on edge, I had to censor films and television for myself so I didn't get upset by anything I saw, just to mention a few. Im sure these are all things other people who have developed Post Traumatic Stress like me have experienced.
With the help of a therapist I am now slowly getting better. Its taking a while and I can have better days and really awful days within the same week. But at least I'm not in that desperate place I was just a few weeks ago.
However, despite really good support from my family and loved ones, there are still so many moments when im frustrated, tearful and devastated at whats happened and no one can understand because they havent been through it.
When I heard about the network it was like another ray of hope because I thought perhaps I could start communicating with others who DID share my feelings. I hope nobody will feel resentful towards me because I wasn't physically injured but have not been able to cope mentally. Also I'm not part of the local community where it happened so I haven't shared any of those close experiences of grief.
I just want to say that if anyone wants to talk about it, share their own accounts or give me advice on how they've sought help since that day, then please do get in touch. (July 2005).